A Generation’s Love Affair With The Double-Space Function: The Heartbreak Kid

       Do you, the high school class of 2009, accept The Double-Space Function as your lawfully wedded savior? Your honor, we do.     

       With all new discoveries comes it’s projected use, and the ensuing usage of that tool, this concept is as old as civilization itself. Ughh, hand-washing and hanging out all these clothes on the line is annoying, boom washer dryer combo comes along. To every midwife and housemaid who’s job this was at the time, I’m sure this was a blessing. But to really pinpoint the level of putrid disgust for a task, I believe it would have to peak at the assignation of “Homework”. The word homework over the years has become synonymous with (BAD THING). Of course there have always been shortcuts, copying other peoples work, your parents, more recently the internet, but nothing has romped along with a 100% chance of making your paper twice as long, as The Double-Space Function.

          The Double-Space function is the marshmallows at the end of your lucky charms, those last two shots before the bar, and that shirt you keep wearing, just so long as it’s with different groups of people. You write and write and write,single spaced of course, and when you feel it’s just the right moment, POW, Eureka, length requirement met. Unless of course your assignment has been plagued with Double-Space Function’s sworn enemy, and arch nemesis, hailing from a far away drop-bar, The Count of Word (Word Count for those of you that don’t like vampire jokes). Sadly this is hard to forge, no amount of character spacing or “I’m not good with computers” mistakes can change the word count. 

         The Count of Word aside, The Double-Space Function can only be compared to the pre-historic method of writing in very long hand cursive, which I don’t personally know about, but I presume was the method of madness to make essays appear more lengthy before windows 98’. And one day when some ridiculous new form of presentation exists, a loophole will form. Now what is in store, I don’t have a fucking clue, I think we’ve peaked, hey who knows. But all that can really be said is, thank you. Thank you to the man who decided that margins and line spacing were adjustable. And today, our hats are off to you programmer guy. So to all you Wise™ readers, keep those margins sloppy, and those lines double-spaced.

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