Alibaba (stock symbol: BABA) recently went public and shot up nearly 40% in its first market day. But does anyone actually know what this company does? After intensive research on the company, we have found they are a high end tech company specializing in magic carpets, fully furnished lamps, and trained Bengal tigers. We were able to catch up with the CEO of the company, Aladdin, and ask him some nitty gritty questions.
“Why is Alibaba making such big headlines in the United States Stock Exchange?” It was at this time that a small monkey wearing a purple hat for some reason stole our reporters’ laptop and wallet, thus concluding the interview. Since the current CEO was so preoccupied with his monkey, and would only wear an open vest with no shirt on underneath, we were forced to call the interview quits. However, we were able to catch up with former CEO Jafar, to get his thoughts on the company’s recent success. He had this to say “You shall pay for this” and then his body turned into a swirling pile of dust when he hit his cobra looking staff on the ground. I’ve got to say it was weird the way he was dressed given that the company is based out of rural Indiana. Huge hat too, comically large hat, definitely no point in being so big.
This whole company smells fishy to me, and their last new model magic carpet (The M3) came out seven thousand years ago. With the kind of mileage those things get, they might want to reevalute their business model. We’ll see what kind of strides this company can make in the near future.