The un-incredible and predictable draftees of the 2014 Atlanta Hawks were selected by Owner Bruce Levenson’s computer the night of the draft. Levenson was sending a text message when his first draft pick came up, allowing the 2-minute timer to expire, automatically choosing the next highest rated player. The second pick came roughly 43 minutes later when Levenson’s bagel bites were ready in the oven, so he had to take them out, causing him to miss another pick. The owner decided to let this trend continue, as he is quoted saying “I didn’t expect any of the remaining players to have an offense over 70, and we need offensive players. There were a few guys who’s defense was near 82 but their offense was a 49 and I can’t waste my time with that” Levenson says he hopes to unlock Michael Jordan soon, but won’t get his hopes up.

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