The Suarez Bite, The Illuminati’s Involvement, And Was Luis Suarez Actually Flirting? All You Need To Know Here

For those of you who need filling in, Luis Suarez, international futbol star, and icon of the Uruguay National team, bit an Italian guy In a match. Much to Suarez’ dismay, this World Cup game was actually being televised, leaving the evidence indisputable.

Sir he put his shoulder in my mouth are you serious!?Sir he put his shoulder in my mouth are you serious!?

Things to know about this situation:

  1. This is not his first offense. Suarez has been punished twice for biting already, both resulting in multiple game suspensions.
  2. The Illuminati WAS involved. If you look closely at the time of the bite, there is some illuminati on his shoulder. Very clear, we’re not alone.
  3. Suarez’ reaction of holding his teeth making that stupid face is not one logically caused by pain on the body, think about it, no one has ever done that. It’s as if he has brain freeze or some tooth sensitivity.
  4. Chiellini reacts first by falling down, because obviously you lose all control of your limbs when lightly bit in the shoulder. Upon standing up he begins walking around showing off the bitemarks looking for a call. The excessive bitch-assness going on at this moment in time between the both of them is off the charts. The bitch-assness-ometer in San Fernando valley registered a 9.2, those are lebron numbers!
  5. Lists are great.
  6. Here are some pictures.
You like what you see?

You like what you see?

What will become of Suarez in this world cup? The higher ups will need to do something, unless winning really does take care of everything, Suarez’ future in the cup is seemingly in Limbo. Now in recap, he clearly bit the guy, he’s done it before, it’s not cool. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t think that Chiellini took it in the sexy playful way that Suarez meant it either, huge missed signal there. Uruguay will play again, as they have advanced out of their group, I just wish I knew where Uruguay was, or if there was some obvious joke i’m missing about the name of the country itself, ur game, ur a lame? Eh there’s nothing there. Goodluck to everybody, this really bites for Uruguay. Stay Wise© people.

-Sharpe

 

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