We’ve all seen the antipathy that is shown for Monday, and it’s downright atrocious. What has this day of the week done to deserve the short end of every joke? I get that it’s the day after the weekend, and thus the furthest from the upcoming weekend, but we can not be so oblivious to the importance of this day of the week. Monday has taken the masculine role of stern father to the children of the world. Sure, you’ve got to get picked up from Gram and Grampy’s house at some point on Sunday afternoon, but where would you be if you stayed there all the time with no rules and too many cookies? Exactly, you’d be a dumb spoiled slob clad in dated attire. When you’re old and successful, who do you always thank? (only accepting one answer here) That’s right your parents, for being tough on you in the right ways. To try and bring the responsibility of Monday to the light, were going to layout the family relationship in a modern day greek mythology-esque fashion.
Aw shit its Monday, AKA Dads home. Monday is the stern father that keeps you in line, you had your fun while he wasn’t home, but pops is in the house now and its time to shape up. Straighten up those ties gentleman you’ve got work at 8 am.
Was Dad a little harsh on you? Here comes the maternal and caring Tuesday to let you know he over reacts sometimes, but he’s only got the best intentions. Thanks Tuesday, you’re the best.
Monday and Tuesday not really seeing your point of view? “But Monday, everyone was going to sleep over its fine” Let’s usher in the older sibling, Wednesday, to try and talk things over with them. Thanks big Wednesday.
Well Wednesday didn’t get very far with Monday and Tuesday, so you’ll have to wait ‘til Thursday visits around the holidays to have someone sneaking you cups under the table. Now Monday wouldn’t disown family, but Thursday didn’t exactly stay to course with the straight and narrow. What’s that Thursday? Your Hammered at dinner and talking about global warming?
After the family is asleep, here comes your boy, your main man, the amigo, brothers since birth, Friday. This guy has your back no matter what, feel free to fire on all cylinders for Friday, you’ll have someone to hold your hair back this time.
Friday can’t always be there for you though, he’s got a family obligation with June and July. It’s time for Saturday, now legend has it there is a dual personality to easily the most famous day of the week. The ever-glamorous, Saturday. Scripture has it that Saturday in the male form is a great time, but do not trust them, as Saturday is also a very selfish day of the week, be weary. Now after the spring equinox, it is said that Saturday becomes a beautiful princess in short jean shorts. She wants to party, but be on your best behavior, she is a southern bell. Party hard but keep it a little classy.
Well Saturday had to go home so you just BTFO after she left, but now here you are, at the close of the weekend. Here to coddle you and assure you it’s all ok, your sweet Nuna and Papa Sunday, saints among sinners. It’s football for days and a few reverse trips to the restroom. Get under those blankets and take it easy today, because before you know, Dad’s coming, and he doesn’t want to hear your sad story.
And so it was told the legend of the weekdays, give Monday a break, it’s not his fault, it’s yours. Keep that weak shit off twitter, don’t be a jerk because it’s Monday, you just look like a dumbass, handle your business like a member of society. Stay Wise™ people.